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Well well well...
Haven't been here for a while. Though, I have my reasons.
And right now. I'm back. At least for a short time, because I have something to get off my chest.
I have been lied in bed for the past 4 hours trying to get an early night, though it obviously didn't work... And so I peruse the interwebs. Of course, I went to facebook. Which seems to be consuming my life these days. The days here at uni spent with no TV means chloe is a very bored lady.
But I digress...
I became bored of facebook, as I usually do, and decided to make the fatal, fatal mistake of reading back through my livejournal entries.
And now I'm sat here.
2:57AM.
Sad
Nostalgic.
Basically, I wish I still spoke to the people I used to be close to on here. I had my reasons for disappearing, and I'm sure a few people had theirs too. But It just makes me so upset that I lost some good friends in the process.
It also dawned on me, that I'm 20 this year. Well actually, in 2 months. I don't feel 20. Already I feel older than I should, christ. It isn't good really, is it?
I'm enjoying uni, don't get me wrong. But theres still something missing. I don't feel homesick at all, I don't feel I need a relationship, I have plenty of good friends. So what's missing? What's making me feel less than happy?
I know what it is, though.
I came to uni, across the country. To start my life off. On my own, as a young adult. To get my Independence. To grow in confidence. To study a subject that fascinates me and that I'm passionate about. I came to shed my skin, come out of my shell, and start life.
The only thing is.... I'm still me.
I'm still the painfully shy girl, the clumsy one. The person who manages to make a tit out of herself at any given opportunity. A person who gets so nervous over the slightest thing, so much so she makes whoever she speaks to feel umcomfortable. I'm still her. I haven't become a new person. It won't just happen like that. And yes, I've grown in confidence slightly, but it's the only thing holding me back. I just can't seem to shed this. And it's really making me sad.
So now, I'm wide awake, at this time in a morning, feeling lonely and wallowing in self-pitty. A good start to the day.
I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. I just needed to write things down.
Haven't been here for a while. Though, I have my reasons.
And right now. I'm back. At least for a short time, because I have something to get off my chest.
I have been lied in bed for the past 4 hours trying to get an early night, though it obviously didn't work... And so I peruse the interwebs. Of course, I went to facebook. Which seems to be consuming my life these days. The days here at uni spent with no TV means chloe is a very bored lady.
But I digress...
I became bored of facebook, as I usually do, and decided to make the fatal, fatal mistake of reading back through my livejournal entries.
And now I'm sat here.
2:57AM.
Sad
Nostalgic.
Basically, I wish I still spoke to the people I used to be close to on here. I had my reasons for disappearing, and I'm sure a few people had theirs too. But It just makes me so upset that I lost some good friends in the process.
It also dawned on me, that I'm 20 this year. Well actually, in 2 months. I don't feel 20. Already I feel older than I should, christ. It isn't good really, is it?
I'm enjoying uni, don't get me wrong. But theres still something missing. I don't feel homesick at all, I don't feel I need a relationship, I have plenty of good friends. So what's missing? What's making me feel less than happy?
I know what it is, though.
I came to uni, across the country. To start my life off. On my own, as a young adult. To get my Independence. To grow in confidence. To study a subject that fascinates me and that I'm passionate about. I came to shed my skin, come out of my shell, and start life.
The only thing is.... I'm still me.
I'm still the painfully shy girl, the clumsy one. The person who manages to make a tit out of herself at any given opportunity. A person who gets so nervous over the slightest thing, so much so she makes whoever she speaks to feel umcomfortable. I'm still her. I haven't become a new person. It won't just happen like that. And yes, I've grown in confidence slightly, but it's the only thing holding me back. I just can't seem to shed this. And it's really making me sad.
So now, I'm wide awake, at this time in a morning, feeling lonely and wallowing in self-pitty. A good start to the day.
I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. I just needed to write things down.
;(
thirsty
.....
content
hopeful
calm
creative
curious